8/30 Passions

#8: What are 5 passions  you have?

• Youth. I completely believe that we are responsible for teaching the next generation, do we want them to be lazy, complacent, greedy and obese with no beliefs no faith no hope? Or do we teach them about God's love and grace, teach them hard work and obedience, teach them to give, to share, to be healthy and loving and compassionate?
• God- I'm passionate about Him. I want to strive to never get comfortable and complacent in faith. I want to constantly be in this cycle of growth and solidification in my faith and relationship with God. 
• Serving- Look around. There are people everywhere, around the world, across the country, in your own community, they're sick, they're poor, they're hungry, they're broken. They don't know God's grace and mercy. They don't have hope. They don't know that there are people in this world that care about them, that love them. They've been taught by our society that they're worthless. BUT they aren't worthless, not to God, not to me! I love them. I want to help, I want to be that disciple of Christ. 
• Outdoors. All of God's creation is wonderful. I love to marvel in the majestic beauty of it. Running barefoot through the grass, hiking through the woods, rock climbing, swimming, etc. 
• My son. I'm passionate about his life. He's remarkable. I can't even put into words how much pride and love and commitment I have to this sweet little boy. 

7/30 Dream Job

#7 What is your dream job, and why?

My dream job for many years has been to open my own Lutheran summer camp. I spent 5 summers working at Camp Luther in Schuyler NE and those summers were some of the most amazing I've had. I want to serve God in whatever I do, I love the outdoors, I love teaching. What better way to serve than at a camp that teaches children about God's love and get to have fun in mother nature!?!

6/30 Hardest Experience

#6 What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

This is tough, because there are several situations from my past that were extremely difficult and have consequences that affect me to this very day. BUT, those things are in the past. They don't affect me emotionally anymore.

I think the hardest thing, but also one of the most rewarding is being a parent. It's an ongoing struggle. You're constantly having to change methods to whatever phase your child is in at the moment, but also be consistent and disciplined with them. You're screamed at, kicked, hit, bitten, you're told that they hate you, that you're mean, that they don't want to live with you anymore. It breaks your heart. But it's all worth it when you hear them laugh, see them smile, see them accomplish something on their own, hear them say "i love you mommy", feel their arms around you as they give you a hug and a kiss.

5/30: Happiness

#5:  What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?

1. God. Always. There's something about prayer and scripture and that time alone with God that gives me a peace and calm and joyfulness. I know that no matter what mistakes I make, He loves me, He forgives, and I am still His dearly loved child. 
2. Trevor. My son has this spark of life, and faith that is astounding. He has a love for others even people he's never met that is remarkable. He sees God in everything. He recognizes God's creations for what they are, beautiful. My friend is adopting this little girl from a terrible orphanage in Eastern Europe and I knew my heart was breaking for the children there, but I had no idea that it impacted my 5 year old son until one day when he said "Mom, I wish we could bring all those kids home with us, they don't know that Jesus loves them and I love them too. I pray for them, that they would get a brother who loves them like I do, and a mom who would sing to them like you do to me"
3. The Calvary Youth. Seriously these are talented, faithful, wonderful youth and every time I'm with them, they surprise me and teach me so much. 
4. Singing. Always singing. Music in general just makes everything that much better. 
5. Family and Friends. Specifically my Calvary community. It's just this amazing group of individuals. I thank God for the support He's placed in my life. 

4/30: Letter to myself

List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could:

1. Read your Bible. Life's instructions are in there. Pray. God can get you through anything.
2. Do not shut down emotionally or bottle things up inside. It only ends up causing you to be depressed with the weight of a few lifetimes on your shoulders or lashing out. 
3. Set boundaries. Stay strong. Just because other people are doing things does not mean you have to- people will like you for you. Protect yourself at parties. Don't let other people get your drinks, don't impair yourself to the point where you cannot even think for yourself or fight back if needed. 
4. Alcoholism runs in the family. Slow down, partying is not a solution to life's stresses. 
5. Do not be afraid of your pregnancy. Yes, you're young, but God will get you through it. Don't let the weight of that one negative decision affect your opinion of God or yourself. God loves you and forgives you, forgive yourself. 
6. Be nicer to your sister. She ends up being your best friend. She is unconditionally loving and selfless when it comes to you and your son in the future, she deserves better from us. 
7. Take everything your family says, listen, do not immediately shut down if it's not what you want to hear, even if you disagree be respectful in explaining your disagreements. 
8. Stay in school. Its so much harder to go back later in life- no time ever seems quite right. When you're in school in Minnesota, pay attention, buy your books, do the work. Study, turn in all assignments. Don't skip. It will pay off later. 
9. Enjoy the small things, football games with friends, singing in the praise team, youth group, etc. Don't take it for granted. 
10. Stop judging everyone. We are not perfect, we will never be perfect and our history is certainly flawed. Take into consideration that other people's lives may have more to it than what we see on the surface. Love others. 

3/30 Parents

Since I skipped a few days, I'm going to make those posts up to you!

#3: Describe your relationship with your parents.

The relationship with my dad is simple. He and I have been close for as long as I can remember. I'm daddy's little girl and he's one of the first people I ever call when I need to vent, need advice, a shoulder to cry on, etc. He is loving, supportive, and a great father. He doesn't spoil or coddle me. He taught me from a young age that you get what you earn. He instilled a hard work ethic in me. I've also inherited his stubbornness, his people skills, his learn from your mistakes (but you have to make the mistakes yourself to learn) attitude, and his looks.

The relationship with my mother is a whole different story. It's fairly non-existent. After a series of events my senior year of high school and freshmen year of college, I chose to eliminate her from my life. At the time it was not healthy for me to continue the relationship we had. It was angry, filled with lies and deceit and betrayal. It was filled with arguments and  yelling and cursing. There was nitpicking, blaming, and a fierce desire to prove the other wrong. It just was not healthy at all. As time has gone on, I've learned to forgive mistakes made in the past, learn from them, and while I still do not desire anything more than a cordial relationship on holidays, I am allowing her the opportunity to have a relationship with my son.

Day 2/30: Three Fears

Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

1. Fear of failure: I've let myself and others down so many times in the past that failure scares me. I feel like if I'm not constantly improving and doing good, I'm not meeting people's expectations. I need to learn to let go of that. After all, it's not people I need approval from, I just need God's approval and He's already given that. 
2. Snakes. When I was a child we went camping with my grandparents a lot. Our family vacations were usually road tripping and camping. One time we were camped near a creek. My sister and cousin and I were playing by the creek and tossing sticks in. I went to grab a stick and my hand was inches from it when it slithered away. I have been terrified of snakes ever since. 
3. Losing my child. I think every decent parent has this fear. I don't just mean fear of him dying, I mean losing him in public, kidnapping, etc. All of it, terrifies me. I know that God is looking out for Trevor though. 

1/30 - 20 Random Facts

List 20 random facts about yourself.

• God is first in my life. Always. End of story. 
• My son, Trevor is second. He's five and he is wonderful and has a love for God. The faith of a child is remarkable. 
• Singing is important. I sing in two of my church's worship teams. I sing in the shower, when cooking, when cleaning, pretty much all the time.
• Art is my outlet. I love all types of art, and I teach an art class for youth one night a week. Currently I'm designing decorations for my church's Vacation Bible School
• Speaking of Vacation Bible School, I'm trying my hand at creating one on my own. It's a great undertaking, since it'd have to have a theme, theme verse, daily lessons/stories that tie into the theme, daily Bible verses, songs, games, crafts, etc, etc, etc. 
• I like to write and draw. I've made three story books for my son, which he's the star of. I've also made 4 different coloring books. Currently working on a coloring book for a friend's wedding. 
• I help with the youth at my church in various ways. They have taught me so much more than I could ever teach them. I admire them all. They are amazing.
• I went to college in Minnesota. I lived there for two years. In that time, I had a lot of people I called friends. Since moving home, I've lost touch with about 95% of those people. BUT, the few I have stayed in touch with are some of the most remarkable people I know and I love them dearly. 
• I've been in just about every kind of unhealthy relationship possible. Long distance, One where we had completely opposite religious views, one that was emotionally and physically abusive, one that was started because of guilt, one that was too clingy, but I've finally really learned what a healthy mature Christian relationship is and am excited to see what God has in store for me in that respect.
• I played soccer from the time I was in 4th grade until a Junior in high school. Now my son is playing and it makes me miss the sport. 
• I've gone on mission trips and served outside of Nebraska. They were rewarding, but the serving that I've done that has had the most impact on my life has all occurred close to home. Helping with this art class and youth that needed a safe place, serving among many of Lincoln's homeless, servant Sundays with my church.  There is such a need for God's love here. Right now. I can help share that love. I can love them like Jesus did. 
• I'm incredibly busy. All the time. I wouldn't have it any other way. I still know what to say yes and no to, and make good use of my time. 
• I read a lot. I find that books can open your imagination to new possibilities. There's just something about holding a book in your hands and sitting down and reading for hours that makes everything seem possible. It's like the words are flowing off the page and creating a whole new dimension ready to be discovered. 
• I have this strong desire to do foster care and adopt a child who otherwise may not be loved. Every child deserves a home, a family, love. 
• I can find a movie or song quote applicable for any situation. 
• I'm a people person, which is convenient since I work in a customer service industry. I know very little technically speaking, even though I work at Dell, and I can have happy callers 99% of the time because of my people skills. 
• I carry a list of things I'm thankful for in my wallet. If I'm down or frustrated or complaining. I force myself to read it and then add something to that list. 
• The song "I will Rise" by Chris Tomlin can make me cry, nearly every time. It is so powerful. 
• When I was in elementary school and playing soccer, my dad was the assistant coach. He and I used to arrive at practice with KISS, or Metallica or Beastie Boys, or something similar blaring. 
• My grandma is my hero. My dad's mom, Jeanne, fought cancer for years. She's incredibly strong, and even though she eventually passed away from the cancer, she is the strongest person I know. She was the rock of our family, the glue that held us together. She was an amazing cook and her laugh was infectious. I miss her dearly.

The list

So in order to get back to regular blogging I'm going to challenge myself to answer this list of 30 things about me. The idea is to record different parts of my personality for my posterity, and I guess you get to know me better by default.  I think this'll be super fun and I invite you to play along! I would LOVE to read what you have to say about yourself in regards to these questions, and get to know you better, too. Here's the list, and coming in the next post #1.

THE LIST:

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrasing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misundertand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

The new chapter

Obviously this is my inaugural post on this blog, however over the years, I've had several blogs, each which had some extremely intense and personal posts. As I've grown up, I've learned how to be more guarded in certain aspects but still share the information that I think can greatly impact others. This is my way of getting back to blogging. As a child of God, I believe I'm a sinner. I fail Him time and time again. On my own there is absolutely no way I can be saved. BUT, this is the really great part, God already did that for me, He thought ahead, He saved me. He loves me so much despite me failing Him. He sent His own son to take the weight of my sin off of my shoulders, and Jesus bore that sin-filled weight for me. My sins were washed away with His blood.

I've gone through quite a few hardships in my life, I've fallen away from God, but He has never left my side. Looking back I can clearly see His hand picking me up and keeping me safe through it all. How awesome is the news that God, despite whatever flaws we think we have, whatever failures we think we've made, loves us and thinks we're perfect! He will never leave us or forsake us. He holds us in his hands. On that note I leave you with a song that has really helped me through a lot. The message is wonderful. 

JJ Heller's Your Hands